Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Some lyrics I like say, no words to say no words to convey these feelings inside I have for you... I feel as though I have so much to say, so many feelings, and yet so limited to verbalize things.
I find change very difficult, yet it happens around me all the time. I have been overwhelmed with sorrow with the changes that have taken place and the ones that will be coming in the future. The Sunday night I had to say goodbye to my Granny, I was faced with another overwhelming change. I think part of why change is hard for me is I often look back with regret instead of looking forward to what good will come from the change. I wish I had visited Granny home and in the hospital. As I stood over her bed Sunday night I desperately wanted to speak, but there were no words. I took my bible with me to read the words of Paul that kept coming to my mind about her, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race...and I have kept the faith...but the words failed me. All I could do was stand over her and cry like a baby, which was the last thing I wanted to do in front of her. She reached her hands up towards me and I leaned over and she began wiping the tears away from my face. Every time I think about this moment I am humbled and overwhelmed that even in death Granny reached out to comfort me. She mouthed the words live a good life...I love you. I managed to tell her I loved her too (Although I was crying like a banshee...or bitter beer face as my cousin calls it).
When I think about the words live a good life I think of so many things that encompasses... Granny knew about living a good life. A life that is in service to God and his people. A life that is shared with someone who loves you faithfully. A life full of family that love each other. A life spent walking closely with God and in appreciation for his creation.
I hope to grow in these qualities and live a life that is with less regret. I believe that God brings blessings into our lives and He is always working in a way that I may not understand...but often my life does not live out that belief. I spend too much time in regret and anxiety about what has happened or might happen rather than allowing God to fill me with his peace that passes all understanding.
I hope and pray to live a life that can be called a good life...


  1. I love you.

    And it totally is bitter-beer face, banshee girl.

  2. I'd liek to see a show of hands of anyone who didn't stand there and cry- I don't think there would be mnay hands in the air.

    What really gets me is how she just smiled and nodded at me whie I tried to tell her thank you for... everything. Just her radiant smile and the look of understanding.