Meeting Benjamin

I woke up in the early morning of April 26th around 4:30, having some contractions. Isabella had woken up a couple hours before and got in bed with us and I wasn't sleeping very well. Just after 5:00 the contractions were so strong I decided I better start keeping track of them. For the next hour they were 3-5 minutes apart and I eventually had to get out of bed and start walking around to deal with them. An hour later they had dropped down to various amounts of time apart- 6 minutes, 9 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 2 minutes. In my mind I kept thinking they would just go away and I could get some sleep. I'd had several friends that had contractions that just stopped, and I really didn't think he was coming for another week or so. I went ahead and texted my sister a little after 7AM to let her know I'd been having contractions for a few hours to let her know as she was going to be joining me for the birth.

 Last picture I took pregnant. The day before he was born. 40 weeks

 From my contraction timer app

The contractions continued all morning, staying very strong and intense the whole time. I wasn't sure what to think because in my mind the contractions should have started out less intense and grown in intensity while becoming closer together. Instead mine started out very strong and were getting farther apart. I got in the bath tub to see if the contractions would stop and get some relief. I felt better in the tub, but they were not stopping. My mom was off work and came by and took Isabella out with her for a few hours. Looking back, if I had realized this was "it" I would have sent her away earlier.  It was a little distressing for her to see me if so much pain and she would ask "what's the matter with you?" and told Michael, "Daddy, Mommy's sad again" when I started having another contraction. Around 11:30 Michael decided to start gathering our things to go to the hospital. I was still not convinced it was time, so I let him load stuff, but told him I needed to run an errand. We went to the post office to mail a baby gift for my friend, and I had to have him pull over a few times because the bumps in the road hurt so badly while I was having my contractions... I still wasn't convinced at this point that this was the real deal. Michael said we needed to head to the hospital, but I somehow convinced him we didn't and we went to Johnnies to get some lunch. I ate my lunch standing up at the counter in our kitchen because it was too uncomfortable to sit down. Looking back I don't know if my mind was keeping me distracted from the pain by thinking it would all stop and I could just sleep soon or what. I feel like my motherly instincts should have kicked in a little to tell me it was time. Regardless, I'm glad that I was able to just be at home this time and not stuck in the hospital all day.

My mom brought Isabella home and we put her down for nap. She was really tired as she hadn't slept well the night before and had a massive melt down about not getting to play in her playroom before her nap. We finally got her to sleep and I told my mom she could go ahead and leave, because I was sure this would all stop soon, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. But not long after my contractions picked back up again. I also had strong back labor pain all day. About 2:00 Michael said he didn't want to upset me but he was going to call his parents to come over so we could go to the hospital whenever we needed to. I texted with my friend about how I was starting to have trouble staying calm and focusing through the contractions, and she said it sounded like I was moving towards transition... I should have realized that myself, as I was starting to feel a little frantic about my choice to have a natural birth, that I was having some classic signs of transition. I gathered my last few things so we could leave to go to the hospital and started crying that this might be "it" and my last interaction with Isabella had not been so pleasant with her crying herself to sleep at nap time.

Michael's parents got to our house and we headed to the hospital around 2:45. I let my sister know we were headed that way and I then endured the most miserable car ride of my life, thinking the whole time that I would prefer to be giving birth at home than be in the pain I was in while in the car. We parked at the hospital, my sister got there before we did, and we made our way to check in with me having to stop for each contraction on our way in. I'm sure the people we passed on the way loved seeing and hearing me groaning through each one. :)

We checked in and the girl helping us took a little information from me and took my birth plan. I was still a little nervous at this point that I would not be progressed to anything and would be sent home. But when she checked me she said I was at a 7 with a "bulging bag" and if I didn't get over to labor and delivery I would be having my baby in the triage room. I thought that seemed a little extreme as it took me 2 plus hours to move from a 7 to a 10 with Isabella. It was so hot in that room I thought I might pass out. I was miserable and looked at my sister and said PLEASE HELP ME!!! With tears in her eyes she gave me some reassuring words. I wanted to ask the nurse to give me something to help with the pain, but I couldn't say the words for some reason. I tried to focus on getting through each contraction knowing it was one step closer to the end, but it was really hard. We skipped filling out any paperwork as she said we just needed to get to the delivery room as quickly as possible. She called someone and I heard her say "I've got a girl here who's a 7 with a bulging bag, and she's making that deep guttural sound...you know the one". I didn't know what that meant but did not appreciate her telling people about my deep guttural sounds. Haha! She went and got a wheelchair for me to take me to my delivery room so we could get there faster. She was also trying to get a hold of my midwife to get her there for the delivery.

We made it to the room and I asked my sister to get the bath water going as I just wanted to get in the tub to feel some relief. The nurse got a birthing ball out for me and had me sit on it for some of the contractions. Unbeknownst to me, the nurses said I would not be getting in the tub because I was too close to delivery. Around 3:50 my midwife, Dawn, made it to the room, wearing an awesome shirt that made me smile despite my state of pain.

 (So glad she made it with short notice!)

I got on the bed, on my side, with the contractions coming close together and extremely strong. My sister put a cold washcloth on my forehead, which felt great. Dawn asked if it was OK to check me and when she did said I was ready to deliver whenever I felt like it. Within a few minutes I felt the ring of fire, that truly burns as Johnny Cash says, and the crazy, intense need to push. This was the part I feared the most, as it drug on and on with Isabella, pushing for 2.5 hours. I thought it would never end. Dawn was telling me some things I needed to do to make my pushing more effective. I apparently yelled at her to stop hurting me, to which she let me know that she was not touching me and it was actually my baby's head hurting me and I needed to push it out. I pushed a couple of times, and my water burst everywhere. Then she said she could see his head and I was so close. I was again flashing back to those hours with Isabella when they said they could see her head for TWO HOURS and nothing happened. I tried to not be discouraged and push with everything I could. I grabbed on to Michael, the nurse's arm, anything I could- and somehow ripped my IV port out during this. Everyone was encouraging me along. And truly, within a couple more pushes, at 4:12PM my son entered the world, just barely over an hour since we checked in at the hospital. I still cannot believe how quickly the delivery was! The cord was wrapped around his neck twice, something Dawn said can happen when the delivery is so fast. She quickly pulled the cord off and placed him with me. The rush of adrenaline, emotion, and relief when that pain is over is pretty incredible.

And there is truly no moment in life like that moment when you meet your child for the first time.  Shushing their cries, whispering Happy Birthday, and hi sweet baby- it's me your mama.

After the cord stopped pulsing, Michael cut it. I was concerned about how gray he was, and as I mentioned it, they said they needed to look at him. They took him over to the warmer to make sure he was alright after having the cord around his neck. It took a few minutes but then they confirmed he was just fine. Then they brought him back to me.

Benjamin Gray Mitchell 8lbs 3 oz and 21 inches 

Meeting our family:

He was so alert those first few hours

 First bath and getting his hair washed

 All clean and cozy

Isabella and Benjamin meet for the first time. 

Opening her big sister present from Benjamin after she gave him his blanket she picked out the day we found out he was a boy.

First friends to meet Benjamin the night he was born.

Late that night we were transferred to our recovery room. I was exhausted but barely slept. What a day it had been! Welcome Benjamin. Our lives will never be the same. We loved you so much in that one day and all the more in the days to come.

___________________
I asked Michael if there was anything he would say or add to Benjamin's birth story, and he said nothing other than the fact that he wanted to go to the hospital about 4 hours before I did.
 I think he was afraid he was going to be delivering a baby in the car, but we made it. :) 

Our Spring weather has been all over the place. An ice storm last week. 80's, 50's, lows in the 30's then back the 70's. But as far as wrapping up a pregnancy goes, I'll take this weather over the record days of straight 100's I had with Isabella's pregnancy.

We had a picnic on one of the nice days and played at the park until it was nap time.

Then on one of the cooler days we had lunch indoors and played at the "mountains" also known as the fountains. And although we hadn't been to this mall in a long time, Isabella said "we had lunch here with Mimi when it was Christmas time." I'm amazed at what she remembers sometimes.

The questions I get the most these days are "how are you feeling?" and "are you so ready to have that baby?"
 I get a lot of other comments and questions...many of which are so ridiculous and rude its amazing to me what people say without even thinking. Things you would never say to a person who wasn't pregnant, but it is somehow acceptable to say to a pregnant person...filters people- find them. That's a whole other post, though. But people are also extra kind and helpful too- like the girl at walmart last night who closed her lane after checking me out (I was the only person in it) and walked with me out to my car insisting on putting the bags in my car, despite me telling her she didn't need to do that. (Granted this was after she commented I was so big I should be at home on bed rest, but she totally went out of her way to be helpful.)
Anyway- how am I feeling? I feel well most of the time. Other than during the day I find myself slowing down faster and feeling more tired, I feel fine. I have some bad acid reflux sometimes. At night...I'm pretty miserable after a couple of hours it is impossible to be comfortable to sleep. And sometimes I'm just awake and can't sleep. But there are much worse things.

39 weeks

Am I ready? I don't even know how to answer this question in a short manner. Because, as I learned last time, the truth, is the time can come whether you're ready or not. Expectations are a big thing to me, and this is something that I have a ballpark for, but no exact timing of when it will be. Am I ready to meet my son? Of course. I can't wait to know him, see him, hold him, and soak him in. I am ready to not be carrying a full term person inside of my body. My hospital bag is packed with a list of the last minute things I'll need to add in. Michael and I had a great last pre-baby date... But, on the other hand there are plenty of things I would like to see through before he comes. I'm hosting a shower this weekend, going to a birthday party, wrapping up a couple of things at work, we haven't painted his room- or even purchased the paint, his bedding isn't ready, along with a host of other things on my constant to-do list. Yet at the same time, if I went into labor tonight, there is nothing I'd like to have done that won't be OK to wait on or will be taken over by someone else. So I guess I can be ready if needed to be, but I'm great with more time too.

Isabella and I have had some great days this past week, and I've loved just enjoying her. She has been cheerful, singing funny songs, and saying all kinds of new things. And while I'm somewhat anxious about how she will transition to having a sibling, I can't wait to see them together.  At bed time when we read books she says, "I fit in your lap better after Ben-german comes?" :) I told her that once a few weeks ago and now she always says it. We are both looking forward to her fitting in my lap better again. Maybe if I make it through the weekend, I'll feel more ready for it to happen any time, but for now I'm just trying to set my expectations that whenever it happens it will be the right time.

celebrating Benjamin Gray

My sweet friends hosted a shower for Benjamin this past weekend. Everything was so cute, and I felt so loved, especially as each host has something big going on in their life right now, for the time they spent on me. 

(She told a few people as they arrived "welcome to my birthday party!")

I was  distracted and didn't take a ton of pictures, but it was great time (despite me feeling awkward about opening gifts with everyone just watching). We were gifted with so many fun, special, and practical things. It is exciting to look at the tiny boy clothes and imagine the little boy who will wear them! I am thankful to all of the family and friends that came to celebrate with us. 

35 weeks 3 days

Hi Benjamin.
We are awake at 4AM, as I'm sure we will be in the many times in the weeks/months to come. You are rolling around and I have burning acid in my throat from food I ate 8 hours ago. For a brief time I will miss not feeling you move from the inside anymore, but I'm more looking forward to holding you in my arms, (and I will not miss the burning acid). :) I'm praying for you as you grow and develop these last few weeks and for our labor. I love you sweet boy,
Mama.

Lately

This time last year I was training for a half marathon...quite the contrast to what I'm doing this year.

34 weeks today...
This time has been different in many ways. I've taken less pictures and documented the journey less, I've done much less "preparing" nursery and delivery-wise, and as I'm closing in on the last 6 weeks I've got a mix of thoughts and feelings. My baby boy is most active at night, or maybe that's just when I'm the most still so feel him more. Over the last week I have started feeling him have hiccups too...which is the strangest/sweet sensation. At my midwife appointment this week she said she could feel he had grown quite a bit since my last appointment (yes, I could tell you that, also). While it is an amazing miracle that a tiny person is growing within my body, I'm ready to not be carrying a basketball in my belly and be miserable in pain while I'm sleeping at night. But I also know that the newborn days will have other responsibilities and my life will revolve around a feeding schedule. So I'm trying to be at peace with what is now, knowing what's to come will be here before I know it. I've had to start taking naps again most days to combat my sleepless nights, which means I'm not getting as many things done as I would like, but that's OK. I wonder about what Benjamin's personality will be like, what he will look like, and it what ways he will complete our family that we won't be able to imagine our family without him. And I think about that moment when I will see my son for the very first time and hold his tiny body to my heart.

Until then...attempting to soak up these last "only child" days...

We went to the zoo last Thursday to get some sunshine and play outside.

She asked to ride the carousel, which we've never done there. Prior to this time she has been really scared of riding on anything except the bench on a carousel. But she told me she wanted to ride an animal and picked an ostrich. She did not like it when I stepped away to take the second picture, "hold me mama", but was very brave otherwise. I might have cried just a little bit. :) Luckily I had on sunglasses to hide my hormonal/pregnancy/mama tears...she's growing up.

Some of this week:

The evenings have been nice and she has been playing on the patio while I get dinner ready.

Serious painting.

Cinnamon banana wake up bread for breakfast.

She spotted Ronald walking into wal-mart yesterday. She asked if she could take a picture with him, and I said if she stayed sitting in the cart for the whole trip she could on the way out. So on our way out she says "I sit in his lap? You take my picture?!" She has no idea who the slightly creepy clown is, but I love her cheese/crinkle nose face!

 Everyone mows in the pool right?

The last couple of weeks have been hard for a few reasons. But there has been plenty good too, as there always is. I'm grateful for good test results, warmer weather, longer hours of sunshine, our parents' that help us with Isabella and in so many other ways, a healthy baby growing in me, and good friends.